I am gonna photograph... click, flash

Long awaited, but the time has come. On June 16^th, I entered a house in La Capri with my first ever team, and construction began on what is to be a photography studio. The idea was born about three months ago from nothing more than a daydream. As I flipped through pictures from a photography blog, I thought to myself, “How cool would it be to take pictures for a living?” While feeling quite awkward in front of the camera, I’ve always loved being behind one. I’ve never been considered a great photographer, yet I know that God likes to use some of the least qualified to do His great works. The daydreaming questions turned into actual questions as I asked my boss what he thinks of me opening a photography studio to teach photography and film developing classes. To my surprise, he jumped at the idea, with an encouraging, “Do it!” A week later we found ourselves in the office of a pastor with ideas spilling out of our pores. The meeting ended with him offering a house for us to use in La Capri (a community that we’ve had our eyes on for expansion), rent free!

Months of planning and research has led to the following overview of what we hope the photo studio will provide, accomplish, and change in the community:

Target Students: ages 12-20 who have an artistic disposition that has yet to be discovered or yet to be encouraged. We want students who are at risk due to living in drug or violent communities. We want students who have something to say, something to scream, and stories to tell, even if they don’t know it yet.

Schedule: “The Studio” will be open Tuesday through Friday with two class sessions each day. Tuesday’s class will focus on new techniques, skills and assignments. It will be spent in the community, with people of the community, talking, listening, and capturing. Assignments will be purposefully open themes to encourage creativity. Wednesday will be spent in the darkroom, developing film from the day before. Thursday (also in the darkroom) will be a day of selecting negatives to print and enlarge. Friday will be when everything comes together, as we put pictures from the week into our photo journals and write what we saw, what we heard, what we felt, through poetry, lyrics, and stories.

Costa Rica is no different than any other part of the world, in the sense that there are pockets of poverty and pockets of wealth. The two rarely meet, and only know the other through what they see on TV. One has a voice, the other doesn’t. One has options, the other doesn’t. One is smart, the other isn’t... It’s easy to see the error in this logic, but it’s harder to believe that it isn’t true. My hope is to provide these students with voices so that they may show the joy, pain, fear, hope, love, hate, and stories of their lives and their community through the pictures that they take. The majority of the people in the San José area haven’t heard of La Capri. The majority of the people that have heard of it won’t go there. If the worlds of the “haves” and the “have nots” can come a little closer because of the photos that are yet to be taken, then – mission accomplished.

I still don’t know the roads we’ll take, but it seems like we’re heading in the right direction...

El Cohete...

If you happen to visit Costa Rica and hear people mention “el cohete” (the rocket) chances are my car is being talked about. It has become quite famous around these parts – always referred to as “el cohete,” never as “Dustin's car.” I like to imagine that it got its name from the stark resemblance it bears to an actual rocket, or because the top speed is astonishing. Regardless, I am proud of my 1986 Nissan “rocket”...most days. Aside from the lights that only work some of the time, the tear in the driver's seat, the absence of a radio, paint that's pealing, and a spoiler that is somewhat connected to the trunk, it does have one small problem...it doesn't always start the first time I turn the key. It likes to make a very loud grinding noise the first couple of times I try, which can sometimes be avoided by turning the defroster on before I turn the key (don't bother asking how I figured that one out).

Believe it or not, the rocket wasn't as expensive as she sounds and she's really quite reliable. She has made it out to the beach several times with three surfboards on top and 6 people inside. Most days that I drive the rocket I am more than content, but a few days ago I came face to face with the ugliness inside of me. I had parked in front of POPS ice cream and gone inside for a cone. I climbed back in the rocket and noticed a couple, obviously on a date, sitting on a bench that was positioned directly in front of me. They had noticed me, too. In fact, they were watching me quite intently. I could also tell that they had noticed the rocket's imperfections and were having fun at her expense. “Okay!” I thought. “Let's show them what you can do! Defroster on; check! Pump the gas; check!” All that was left to do was turn the key and hope for a start on the first try. Unfortunately, the grind seemed louder than usual, and it seemed to keep getting louder as I tried a fourth, fifth, and sixth time before she finally started. I knew they were laughing at me...I could hear them; I could see them. It could only have been more obvious if they had pointed, too. I tried to suppress the bad thoughts, which lasted all of a millisecond. “If they only knew the car I had back in the states, they'd be jealous. They probably don't even have a car. I bet they rode the bus to their little date! How lame! At least I have a car!”

The irony of the situation was that I had just read a passage from James a few days earlier, and it wasn't until I read it again a few days later that I realized just how much of an idiot I can be: “The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.” (James 1:9-11)

I understand that by the standards of most people living in the good ol' US of A, I am far from rich. What is less understood is that the large majority of us ARE rich. The idea of “rich” is often skewed and projected onto those who have a beach home in Malibu and a Bentley to drive them there. In reality, simply having a car makes you rich. Being able to choose what you don't want to eat off of your plate makes you rich. What we often think of as a basic necessity is quite likely a luxury, and being able to afford luxury makes us rich. But all of that means nothing. So what if someone laughs at me because my car won't start on the first shot? Will that change who I am? If my identity is in Christ, then my outward appearance (whether poor or rich) won't change who I am. I am embarrassed, not because people laughed at me, but because I took that low position and tried to build myself up while tearing them down.

I am a withering flower whose blossoms fall to the ground. My hope is that we can all learn from my pride, and lower ourselves so as not to be defined by what we possess, but rather defined by Who possesses us. My goal: learn to build up those whose beauty and worth is “hidden” on the inside.

...in all her glory...

I still don't know the roads we'll take, but it seems like we're heading in the right direction...

Can't Think of a Creative Title... So Here is My New Blog!

Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say “infinitely” when you mean “very”; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite. ~ C.S. Lewis

God is “infinitely” huge... and by that I mean that I am “infinitely” small in comparison. If you ever really want to be humbled (which if I'm honest, is never actually something I desire, but more something that hits me like a kick to the teeth... I like to call it the back hand of God), spend a few seconds thinking about the size of the God you are praying to before you address Him. Think about the size of the Milky Way, and the fact that comparing it to the size of the orbit of Neptune is like comparing the circumference of the United States of America to that of a nickel. About a month into my anatomy class at Sonoma State we began to dissect our cadavers. I should preface this story by explaining that my professor was an evil little lady who wanted nothing more than to make me puke by the end of the semester. The cadaver she chose for me to dissect was a 96 year old woman named Edna-Fern (real name, hyphen included). By the way, if you happened to have a grandmother named Edna-Fern that died at the age of 96 about three years ago in the north bay area, I'm sorry for your loss and you may have wanted to stop reading about three sentences ago. Continuing, I'm not sure that I have ever felt as small as I did in that classroom while standing over that body. We explored the circular system, we examined the muscles and tendons that make everything move, we opened the chest cavity to see the lungs and heart. Everything was so intricate. Every detail had been thought of and carefully designed. Every single need that a body has to survive had been satisfied (well that was until now in Edna-Fern's case). What's my point? Good question! I was beginning to wonder myself. I think that my ego/self-serving/North American/whatever you want to call it/self gets in the way of letting God be infinite. I like to try to control my own destiny when I was never in the driver seat to begin with. I reduce my problems to things that are too small for God to care about... too small for a God who created capillaries and cells... too small for a God who takes the time to show off with his sunset paintings and lightning shows that serve no purpose other than to amuse us. I am realizing more and more that I'm like a kid with his toy tool set, trying to replace the radiator in my dad's car.

The last few weeks have been an experiment in humbling myself enough to ask God for His help in little things. Hypothesis: that if God is infinitely big and I am infinitely small in comparison, then me trying to fix my problems without the help of God is me attempting to make myself bigger than I am, while attempting to eliminate the need for God.

Request #1: I was planning on driving to Costa Rica when I moved here, but due to unexpected import taxes I was forced to change my plan a bit. This left me with a car to try to sell on craigslist while being 7 countries away. Three months passed with only a single inquiry. Still unsuccessful as of January, I pulled God out of His little box and put him to work. I asked that He would be in control, that He would take all of the stress, all of the pressure, and all of the work in selling the car. The next day my mom called me to tell me that someone was driving up from San Bernardino to buy the car. Next day? Show off!

Request #2: I have been feeling the desire for friends here. It isn't the culture shock that gets me, its the lack of friends to relate to and share life with. It occurred to me that I hadn't asked God to provide friends for me yet... I was counting on me to make my own friends. I asked God. He answered. The next day I was walking downtown San José and saw what I thought was a familiar face. As I got closer, it was confirmed that the face in question belonged to Laura (a friend that I met about a year ago in Guatemala). She is living here for a couple of months to study Spanish... or so she claims! I am pretty sure that God decided to “one up” my request by bringing a friend to me! Next day? Show off!

Request #3: Safety. I was in the shower on Saturday night, thinking about our Sunday trip to the beach when I had the overwhelming urge to ask for safety. I don't know why, but I just kept praying over and over for God to protect us and keep us safe on the drive to the beach. We split up into two cars the next morning. I rode with the Janzen family and the girls drove behind us. The main road out to the beach has a steep, long decent with no real guard rails to speak of. There are lots of places that one would not want to lose their brakes, as the consequences would be less that favorable! Speaking of losing brakes... as we were curving to the right around a blind curve, we felt an impact from behind. The girls had completely lost their brakes and were now along side of us, going around the curve on the oncoming side of the road. They hit a hill head on (possibly the only area that wouldn't have ended in a drop over some sort of cliff) high centered on a mound of dirt, teetered as if they would roll, all before coming to a rest with two tires off the ground, but still right side up. Flash forward four hours as we waited for the tow truck under a makeshift shelter, in the pouring rain, grilling hot dogs... and everyone begins to realize how much worse it could have been. Had it only been a minute earlier or later, had Jeremy not been right in front to take some of the impact and speed, had there been a car coming around the corner... had God not listened to prayer! Not only did He listen and allow everyone to walk away without any injuries, but He had asked me to pray. He had made it known to me the night before, in the shower, that He wants me to listen, to be attentive, and to ask for His help, His protection, His guidance, and to let him be infinitely big beyond anything that my tiny little brain can comprehend. Once again, He answered prayer the next day. Show off!

Request #4: That Scarlet Johansen would realize that she has had feelings for me all along... I think I'm just getting greedy now... no answer to that one, yet.

It is interesting how this plays out here in Costa Rica. Speaking in generalities, the people we are living along side of are aware of their dependence on God. They ask God for everything. It isn't because they are greedy or selfish, but they ask gratefully accepting God's “yes,” or “no.” When you ask for food for tomorrow, a job for your spouse, help in paying the hospital bills, that the water doesn't get turned off to your community, it isn't much of a stretch to ask for rest when you are tired, or happiness when you are sad, or any of the intangible or small things that can be so easily passed off as too small for God. It is no secret that Jesus and the poor shared a special connection. Jesus was born into the poor, He lived with the poor, He was the poor... (Don't believe it? Check out Luke 2:22-24 & Lev. 12:6-8). I don't believe that God loves the poor more, but maybe it is the poor that love God more. Maybe His heart is broken for them because they desire Him, and work to be connected to Him, so that when they need something He is the first one they ask... furthermore, when they receive an answer He is the first one they thank. It doesn't surprise me that the more independent we become (as a nation) the less we need, or even believe, in an all powerful God. The more we think we know about science, the more we can provide for ourselves, the more money we have in our retirement accounts, the less we even need to think about the God who now only serves as our last resort “safety net.” God, I want You in control of me, of all of me, and all that happens to me. I want to rest in Your presence, knowing that You are a father who loves me and loves to see me come to You...

I still don't know the roads we'll take, but it seems like we're heading in the right direction...

Mistakes & Earthquakes...

I should know better than to think that I know better. It is so difficult as an educated American to follow cultural norms that I deem as ignorant or irrelevant. For instance, here in Costa Rica, people always wear their shoes in the house. I don't like wearing shoes anyway, so as soon as I get inside I tend to kick them off and ignore the fact that my Costa Rican mom thinks I will get sick if my feet get cold (after all, I know that it is the presence of germs and not the cold, especially the 70 degree “cold” that they have here, that is responsible for sickness). I mean, what kind of Californian would I be if I didn't enjoy the freedom of bare feet or flip flops every once in a while? I continued with my bare-footed ways for a couple of weeks, confident that I would change the entire mindset of the Costa Rican people by not getting sick... that is until I found out that there is another reason to wear shoes in the house. It was early morning and I was readying my stove top espresso maker to prepare a cappuccino when something funny happened. As I set the all metal espresso maker down on the stove, I heard loud popping, noticed that my hand was hurting, and that it wouldn't let go of the maker... I managed to jump back after about 3 seconds of 220 volts pulsing through my hand and out my feet. My Tica mom just looked at me with a smug little “I told you so” smile and said, “hmm, it's because you don't have shoes on.” Apparently Costa Rican appliances don't come with ground wires here... thus, I became a homemade ground wire because my feet were in direct contact with the ground. Needless to say, I haven't flipped a light switch on since without lacing up first.

Language school has been going well. It is still tiring and I still feel a bit out of my element, but I feel like I am understanding people on a whole new level. If forgetting English is directly proportional to the amount of Spanish I am learning, than I am nearly fluent. I have never been so tongue tied in all my life! While eating lunch and waiting for Cailah to pick me up for sports day in “Las Fuentes” I made what I consider to be my biggest mistake so far. I was eating in a bit of a hurry because I was due to be picked up in a few minutes and still had about three plates of food in front of me (my Tica mom is trying desperately to make me fat) when she asked what time I had to leave. I told her that I had to go in a few minutes and she then wanted to know why so soon. I responded with the spanish equivalent of “Because my friend Cailah is coming over to mount/ride me (Montarme).” After dislodging the piece of food from my mom's throat, resuscitating her, and picking her up from the floor, I was able to explain that the word I was looking for was not “montarme,” but rather, “manejarme” (drive me). Directions: open mouth, insert foot!

After Cailah came over to “manejarme” we headed out to Las Fuentes. We took a few minutes to stop by the house of the Pastor of the communities church to so that I could meet him. As we were talking (and by talking I mean he talked and I did a lot of sign language and head nodding) we heard a very large shaking sound up the road. It subsided just long enough for him to ask, “is that an earthquake?” The following few seconds were very profound. I felt the ground move, I heard the chaos of the shaking, contrasted with the silence of no dogs barking and no children playing, shattered by the prayers of the pastor who had made his way to the doorway by now. I am pretty sure that the pastor thought I had a case of “the slows” as I was the only one standing out in the open while everyone darted for doorways of safety. But it really was amazing. How could something be so powerful to move the unshakable ground that I was standing on? But the most astonishing part was his reaction, his instinct to call on God. He was praying as loud as he could, calling to God, drowning out the rumble of the earth itself... and what was I doing? Nothing! It got me thinking. A side note: If you would like to think of me as a missionary who is completely in touch with God and has everything together, please stop reading here and join me next blog. For all of you still with me, how typically stupid and selfish this reaction is of me! When my world shakes (metaphorically) I am more comfortable living in my self pity and grief, concentrating on how I am feeling, and what is happening to me. I call on God, but I do it when I am ready... after all, this IS my world right?! Yet this pastor's knee jerk reflex was to call on God. He was crying out to him. He was asking him for safety and for protection. He was submitting to God out of instinct because that is what he has done for years. I want to be there. I want to have that reaction to trouble. I want the submission to God to be a thing or reflex and the way I feel to be a secondary emotion, but I'm not there... not even close. But it is always good to have goals and always good to have something for people to pray for you about.

I still don't know the roads we'll take, but it seems like we're heading in the right direction...

I'm getting this sinking feeling...

...well it is more of a settling feeling. Only two weeks down and I am somewhat able to comprehend that this is my new home, my feet are my new car (windshield wipers not included), learning spanish is my new job, and my umbrella is my new favorite accessory. New discovery; my left front pocket of my pants is actually good for putting things in now that it is not occupied by an ever ringing cell phone... quite liberating! Other new discoveries include; headboards with crushed red velvet on them, lemon-lime flavored mayonnaise, and asthmatic dogs are no cause for concern (no less surprising though).

School has been a challenging aspect of life, not so much the language part but more just being a student again. There is a huge benefit in the fact that I am forced to use what I have learned and studied in my everyday life... just a bit different than those Organic Chemistry classes (still don't know what I was thinking taking those). I have been going to a small cafe everyday after class to do my studying, and have been fortunate enough to meet Susan and Jose who hardly ever have any customers except for my study mates and me. It has provided us with some great opportunities to converse with folks in our new tongue. God bless this place for a population of people who are willing to speak slowly and be patient with a gringo such as myself! Pura Vida!

The more that I hear the more I am convinced that God has put me in the right place. The consensus between Costa Ricans is that if you were to go into Los Guidos (the community of focus for our mission sites) you will not come out alive. It is a place that has been given up on by many, left to destroy itself. Within the last year, three mission organizations have decided to pull out their commitments in Los Guidos, calling it “a lost cause.” The young idealist in me has a Grand Canyon sized crack in his heart to hear of anyone referred to as a lost cause. The broken and scared little boy in me knows that we are all lost causes, and thus the need for the sufficiency of Christ. If our mission is to fix the problems of this community we will fail. If our mission is to eliminate poverty and hunger we will fail. If our mission is to eliminate underage prostitution we will fail. But if we have a much simpler goal of allowing those around us to see the light of Christ in us we will all succeed. We are crazy for going into this place. We are crazy to care. We are crazy to think that the few of us that are broken for these people will be able to change a thing. But, “If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again” 2 Corinthians 5:13-15

I still don't know the roads we'll take, but it seems like we're heading in the right direction...

In the Jungle, the Mighty Jungle....

Day two brought me into contact with my new family... Felicia (my host mother) and Steven "Esteben" (my host brother).  To Felicia I am her "nuevo hijo," but I can't help but feel like I am at an advantage already.  Steven (13) shares a room with his mom, while I have the bigger of the two rooms to myself.  The home is humble to say the least, but if you were to consider home as a state of mind full of love rather than a place, I am living in a mansion.  Since neither Mom nor Brother speak one word of English, communication has been reduced to the little spanish that I know and enough hand gestures to make anyone think that I were an Italian mobster in a previous life.  I met with the rest of the SI staff on Saturday morning but cut that short because Mom wanted to take me to the river to swim.  "No biggie," I thought, "I'll see everyone tomorrow morning when Krysta and Cailah (two of the girls on staff)  pick me up for church."  What I didn't know was that going to the river entailed walking to Mom's friend's house, getting into a car, driving for two hours, and staying the night at the river with ten people that only spoke Spanish.  Needless to say, I did not make it to church on Sunday, and not having any of the phone numbers with me kept me from calling the girls to tell them I wouldn't be there when they came to pick me up... fortunately they only looked for me for about a half hour or so... sorry girls!!!  Upon returning from a weekend of Spanish, Spanish, futbol and more Spanish I was in desperate need of some familiarity!  I got home and called the girls to apologize, with the hidden agenda of needing to hang out... we made plans for them to pick me up on their way back from the store, which gave me a few minutes to reach for my guitar and play a language that I knew would bring me comfort.  

Overcoming the anxiety of being a student again, I walked to class  today with my backpack packed and my shoes tied tight.  Anxiety has been that little pebble in my shoe that isn't irritating enough to warrant taking off a shoe to fix, but by the end of a day of walking gives me a blister.  But I cling to verses that give me hope and encouragement.   

"Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth.  Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgement.  So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless." Ecclesiastes 11:9-10

I still don't know the roads we'll take, but it seems like we're heading in the right direction...

Getting Started...

“But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope.” (Galatians 5:5)

It is only now, after eight months of fundraising, that I have begun to understand what it means to “eagerly await.” It has been rather encouraging to me to read example after example of God calling someone to something and then having them wait for his timing. As the last few financial commitments trickle in, I am pleased to inform you that it is time for me to depart to Costa Rica. In September (God willing) a friend and I will load the car with bare essentials and begin the migration. 3,600 miles and about a week later we will arrive in San Jose.

I am anxious to experience the beauty of the open road and God's people.  I remember being in the jungle of Costa Rica three years ago and making a list (that I still have to this day) of all of the things I wanted.  The items were simple... french toast, chocolate chip pancakes, turkey and avocado sandwich, and the list goes on in the same fashion.  My desire for things had been reduced to food.  I didn't care what shirt I was wearing, what car I was driving, or what car I would like to be driving.  I didn't want a Ferrari or a 5 bedroom house... just give me some french toast, God's people, and a glimpse of His sunset through the canopy forest that He painted simply to entertain us and I would be content.  I am excited to leave the "stuff" of life, and enter the "stuff" of God.  Not that one has to leave to experience God, but it is all a part of this journey.

The rest of the Students International staff in Costa Rica has been working hard to set up ministry sites as well as to build a sense of community in the area of Desamparados. We are all excited to see what God has in store for the people of this community as well as the students that we introduce to the mission field through short term outreaches. Thank you so much for your support of this ministry, both financial and prayerful. Please continue to pray for safety, especially as I drive through Mexico, Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras, and Nicaragua.  

I don't yet know what roads we'll take, but it seems like we're heading in the right direction...