Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say “infinitely” when you mean “very”; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite. ~ C.S. Lewis
God is “infinitely” huge... and by that I mean that I am “infinitely” small in comparison. If you ever really want to be humbled (which if I'm honest, is never actually something I desire, but more something that hits me like a kick to the teeth... I like to call it the back hand of God), spend a few seconds thinking about the size of the God you are praying to before you address Him. Think about the size of the Milky Way, and the fact that comparing it to the size of the orbit of Neptune is like comparing the circumference of the United States of America to that of a nickel. About a month into my anatomy class at Sonoma State we began to dissect our cadavers. I should preface this story by explaining that my professor was an evil little lady who wanted nothing more than to make me puke by the end of the semester. The cadaver she chose for me to dissect was a 96 year old woman named Edna-Fern (real name, hyphen included). By the way, if you happened to have a grandmother named Edna-Fern that died at the age of 96 about three years ago in the north bay area, I'm sorry for your loss and you may have wanted to stop reading about three sentences ago. Continuing, I'm not sure that I have ever felt as small as I did in that classroom while standing over that body. We explored the circular system, we examined the muscles and tendons that make everything move, we opened the chest cavity to see the lungs and heart. Everything was so intricate. Every detail had been thought of and carefully designed. Every single need that a body has to survive had been satisfied (well that was until now in Edna-Fern's case). What's my point? Good question! I was beginning to wonder myself. I think that my ego/self-serving/North American/whatever you want to call it/self gets in the way of letting God be infinite. I like to try to control my own destiny when I was never in the driver seat to begin with. I reduce my problems to things that are too small for God to care about... too small for a God who created capillaries and cells... too small for a God who takes the time to show off with his sunset paintings and lightning shows that serve no purpose other than to amuse us. I am realizing more and more that I'm like a kid with his toy tool set, trying to replace the radiator in my dad's car.
The last few weeks have been an experiment in humbling myself enough to ask God for His help in little things. Hypothesis: that if God is infinitely big and I am infinitely small in comparison, then me trying to fix my problems without the help of God is me attempting to make myself bigger than I am, while attempting to eliminate the need for God.
Request #1: I was planning on driving to Costa Rica when I moved here, but due to unexpected import taxes I was forced to change my plan a bit. This left me with a car to try to sell on craigslist while being 7 countries away. Three months passed with only a single inquiry. Still unsuccessful as of January, I pulled God out of His little box and put him to work. I asked that He would be in control, that He would take all of the stress, all of the pressure, and all of the work in selling the car. The next day my mom called me to tell me that someone was driving up from San Bernardino to buy the car. Next day? Show off!
Request #2: I have been feeling the desire for friends here. It isn't the culture shock that gets me, its the lack of friends to relate to and share life with. It occurred to me that I hadn't asked God to provide friends for me yet... I was counting on me to make my own friends. I asked God. He answered. The next day I was walking downtown San José and saw what I thought was a familiar face. As I got closer, it was confirmed that the face in question belonged to Laura (a friend that I met about a year ago in Guatemala). She is living here for a couple of months to study Spanish... or so she claims! I am pretty sure that God decided to “one up” my request by bringing a friend to me! Next day? Show off!
Request #3: Safety. I was in the shower on Saturday night, thinking about our Sunday trip to the beach when I had the overwhelming urge to ask for safety. I don't know why, but I just kept praying over and over for God to protect us and keep us safe on the drive to the beach. We split up into two cars the next morning. I rode with the Janzen family and the girls drove behind us. The main road out to the beach has a steep, long decent with no real guard rails to speak of. There are lots of places that one would not want to lose their brakes, as the consequences would be less that favorable! Speaking of losing brakes... as we were curving to the right around a blind curve, we felt an impact from behind. The girls had completely lost their brakes and were now along side of us, going around the curve on the oncoming side of the road. They hit a hill head on (possibly the only area that wouldn't have ended in a drop over some sort of cliff) high centered on a mound of dirt, teetered as if they would roll, all before coming to a rest with two tires off the ground, but still right side up. Flash forward four hours as we waited for the tow truck under a makeshift shelter, in the pouring rain, grilling hot dogs... and everyone begins to realize how much worse it could have been. Had it only been a minute earlier or later, had Jeremy not been right in front to take some of the impact and speed, had there been a car coming around the corner... had God not listened to prayer! Not only did He listen and allow everyone to walk away without any injuries, but He had asked me to pray. He had made it known to me the night before, in the shower, that He wants me to listen, to be attentive, and to ask for His help, His protection, His guidance, and to let him be infinitely big beyond anything that my tiny little brain can comprehend. Once again, He answered prayer the next day. Show off!
Request #4: That Scarlet Johansen would realize that she has had feelings for me all along... I think I'm just getting greedy now... no answer to that one, yet.
It is interesting how this plays out here in Costa Rica. Speaking in generalities, the people we are living along side of are aware of their dependence on God. They ask God for everything. It isn't because they are greedy or selfish, but they ask gratefully accepting God's “yes,” or “no.” When you ask for food for tomorrow, a job for your spouse, help in paying the hospital bills, that the water doesn't get turned off to your community, it isn't much of a stretch to ask for rest when you are tired, or happiness when you are sad, or any of the intangible or small things that can be so easily passed off as too small for God. It is no secret that Jesus and the poor shared a special connection. Jesus was born into the poor, He lived with the poor, He was the poor... (Don't believe it? Check out Luke 2:22-24 & Lev. 12:6-8). I don't believe that God loves the poor more, but maybe it is the poor that love God more. Maybe His heart is broken for them because they desire Him, and work to be connected to Him, so that when they need something He is the first one they ask... furthermore, when they receive an answer He is the first one they thank. It doesn't surprise me that the more independent we become (as a nation) the less we need, or even believe, in an all powerful God. The more we think we know about science, the more we can provide for ourselves, the more money we have in our retirement accounts, the less we even need to think about the God who now only serves as our last resort “safety net.” God, I want You in control of me, of all of me, and all that happens to me. I want to rest in Your presence, knowing that You are a father who loves me and loves to see me come to You...
I still don't know the roads we'll take, but it seems like we're heading in the right direction...
